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About Literature / Professional Taylor SavilleFemale/United States Recent Activity
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FaintSketches
Taylor Saville
Artist | Professional | Literature
United States
I'm an author. My new novel will be out this year.


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I’m struggling to untangle the jumbled mess of cords that has become my mind after completing the novel I devoted myself to for four years.. But I’ve written enough about that in the post where I announced the completion of the book (which will be released this year). What I wanted to write about, in the hope that my mind will finally come full circle on this, is my future as an author, and the almost terrifying epiphany I had the other night that told me I nearly made a grave mistake with where I intended to take my writing.

After completing the novel, I took a break to edit it, and also mourn the end of the relationship with my protagonist.. But during that time I thought a lot about what the next book would be about, and I’ve had the same thoughts on that matter since before I even began the novel I recently completed. I knew what I wanted to do afterwards, and I felt it wasn’t even in question what the next subject would be. It was going to be an epic fantasy series, since that is what I’ve believed I was going to write since I was ten years old. That was the age I was when this world first came to me.. It isn’t a world filled with magic or dragons. It’s a world filled with unique creatures I created long ago, and humans who struggle to coexist in a decaying world. This world is vast, rich, and complex, as it has been fermenting in my mind for over half my life. I know all the characters. I know the plot. I know the breadth and message this story would have, and yet I’ve spent my entire life failing to write it. The reason why is what makes this all so painfully bizarre to me..

The reason why I can’t write it isn’t because I’m afraid I can’t do it justice. It isn’t that I’m unsure of the plot or any of its characters. It isn’t because it holds so much weight and significance after all these years that I’m afraid to let it go.. It’s none of that. I’ve even begun the first book in the series, and I was happy with the way it was progressing. But what I’m starting to contemplate as either a blessing or a curse has happened once again. This was one of many attempts at writing this series, and what happened in 2011 has now happened again in 2015. I call it “the seven page itch”. Every time I’ve tried to write this book, I’ve written seven solid pages I’m elated with, and then I’m sucker-punched in the jaw by a character that I never even wanted or felt like I created at all. A character that hijacks my mind and derails me until I’ve written hundreds upon hundreds of pages about them..

That is precisely what happened in 2010 when the protagonist of my recent novel came to me, and a part of me both feared that it would, or would not happen again. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to be left alone to write my fantasy work, or if I wanted to fall so horrifically in love again with a stranger. A character I feel I discover as I write about them.. A character that shatters my heart in ways that leave me wishing I wasn't a writer. I was foolish enough to believe it wouldn’t happen again, and I’m still trying not to be afraid that it actually hasn’t..

The other night, on some bizarre whim, I watched an obscure film from the 80's. A three hour long film I’m going to keep private for the sake of feeling like its still “pure” in my mind. This film left me rapt and heartbroken, and filled me once again with the adoration and compassion I have for suffering people. Suffering people in THIS world. Not in some faraway land that doesn’t exist anywhere but in the confines of my own mind. This film, combined with documentaries I’ve seen over the years, has imbued me once again with a drive to do what I’m starting to believe is my purpose..

I lied awake in bed that night, thinking about the film, but also about so many other examples of real human suffering. Especially the suffering no one takes the time to notice. The people who are the “throwaways” of society. These people, more than any other, enrapture this corner of my soul that demands I write. Demands I write stories I’m often uncomfortable exploring. Stories that extract all of the “fun” out of writing a novel, because they leave me so intense and melancholy at times, that I feel trapped inside the mind of the character until their story is completed.. Now that the first story is over, I’m horrified to discover there might be a new one.  

After brooding over that film, I woke up the following morning with a new character in my mind. One that came with a name, a face, and a story. As though presented to me as some strange gift in my sleep, and I know that it was. When I think about this character I have this fluttery, fearful feeling in my stomach that makes me spontaneously smile, while furrowing my brows in doubt at the same time. Like this character is one I’ve recently gone on a first date with, and now I’m chewing my fingernails off wondering, “Could this be the one?”

When this new character came to me, I knew what I was doing wrong. I was failing to understand that my recent novel was not just some fluke I felt compelled to write.. I finally understood that I’m learning what type of author I’m going to be, and that I can’t decide that for myself. All my life, I believed I was going to be a fantasy author.. I believed I was going to breathe life into some incredible world that people could get lost in and come to love. That was what I believed I wanted... But what I’ve come to understand about myself couldn’t be any further from the truth. I now know that I want to write books that devastate people. I want to write books that leave me trembling and crying as I write them. I want to write books that I’m afraid to write.. But most of all, I want to write books that inspire empathy in a world where empathy is dying every day.

I’m not saying fantasy doesn’t do this. What I’m saying is that the light I personally want to shed on human suffering cannot be done in a world other than our own. I want that light to pierce the soul. Leave people questioning themselves and humanity as a whole. More than anything though, I want the books I write to help people. To lift them out of immeasurably dark places not as an escape, but as an invitation to search every corner of their souls, and heal the damage buried within.. I know this is my purpose, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't afraid to delve once again into what my last novel did to me..

I know this story will effect me even more harshly, yet I know I have no choice but to write it.
Because this is what I'm being called to do. This is the reason I'm a writer.

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:iconendurersurvivor:
EndurerSurvivor Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Hobbyist
Your artwork and writing is purely *phenomenal* and has left me quite speechless...
I'm sitting here listening to fantasy-like video game soundtracks and I just can't stop staring at 'Haziah' and 'Drohlo : The Dream.' They are absolutely breathtaking and super thought-provoking! AH. Perfection.
And your writing...poetic, with a unique voice that many only dream of acquiring. I would definitely read any novel you write! Seriously.
Never stop creating and writing. You have a unique style and voice that will get you far!! ≧◡≦
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:iconfaintsketches:
FaintSketches Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Professional Writer
This comment really made my morning! Thank you so much for taking the time to look and to express your thoughts on my work. It really means a lot to me! :heart: My book will be out before the end of the year. I'm hoping people will enjoy it, so thank you for showing an interest!
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:iconarmageddongal:
armageddongal Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Hello. Please let me know whine your book is out. You know it is scary to take the first step. But you say that my people suffer go unnoticed right. Maybe your aren't to write this book. For it is like the cook book of lady in the water. Your words might help someone who suffers. All books have a light at the end. Especially to someone who takes it to Heart. Do it for them. The unread.
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:iconarmageddongal:
armageddongal Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Hi sorry auto spell with my iPhone I meant are supposed to write it. On the part. Maybe you are to write this book. Not aren't. I type it looks good then boom. Bad selling. But yes. Be strong. Not only for you but to those who will read your story.
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:iconfaintsketches:
FaintSketches Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2015  Professional Writer
Thank you so much!! I knew what you meant, or at least, I read it that way even if it looked like it wasn't what you meant. I hate autocorrect, so I know the feeling! :D I really appreciate your words. Very few people read what I write here anymore. But yes, I write these books for others, so I will definitely try to be strong in order to release the one I completed and to complete the new one I've begun. :heart:
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