I stopped knowing you when I found him.
You faded so far into the background I’ve nearly forgotten your face,
and now I wonder what you ever really meant to me.
You were once all that mattered.
All that gave me solace in a world of darkness I never understood back then..
And I was so certain of you.
So painfully certain you were the melody my soul was dying to play.
That song with its tender nuances, and delicate notes of pain.
Though your pain is so close to elegance I find it startlingly beautiful.
Like a swan slowly bleeding to death.
Where right from the beginning, he reminded me of a wolf.
Baring its teeth as its body decomposes.
Rotting while still alive.
Snarling with rage and hopelessness that has haunted me ever since..
While my memories of you manifest as something only quietly sad.
Distant and forgettable.
He prods at corners so dark I never knew they existed.
He drags demons and skeletons out of closets just to make love to them.
He entwines himself with images so bleak they defy the concept of humanity..
And I’m ashamed to admit I love him more than I ever loved you.
That his mind captivates me more than yours ever could.
While you tap at piano keys, and marvel at the petals of peonies..
He is writhing in pools of his own blood.
Reveling in the sensation of fists cracking bone.
Searing his throat with things you were always too afraid to swallow.
He is vomit and sinew.
Broken guitar strings and scars.
You are horse hide and rain.
Sunlight softly breaching overcast sky.
He is sweat and rattling screams.
Cigarette ashes and gasoline.
You are a harrowing silence.
Defined by empty, far-away eyes.
Where you once lit a candelabra,
He has let loose an inferno.
A blaze that has incinerated hundreds of thousands of words.
Words I never could have said without him.
Words that released agony you were never able to touch.
Words that decimated your dulcet melody,
And put in its place a crashing, violent symphony.
Powerful enough to shake me to the core.
Profound enough to change me.
Passionate enough to leave me quivering in fear of the moment in which I tell him Goodbye.
Because this can’t last forever.
And I’m terrified the words will cease to burn.