I stopped knowing you when I found him. You faded so far into the background I’ve nearly forgotten your face, and now I wonder what you ever really meant to me.
You were once all that mattered. All that gave me solace in a world of darkness I never understood back then.. And I was so certain of you. So painfully certain you were the melody my soul was dying to play. That song with its tender nuances, and delicate notes of pain.
Though your pain is so close to elegance I find it startlingly beautiful. Like a swan slowly bleeding to death. Where right from the beginning, he reminded me of a wolf. Baring its teeth as its body decomposes. Rotting while still alive. Snarling with rage and hopelessness that has haunted me ever since.. While my memories of you manifest as something only quietly sad. Distant and forgettable.
He prods at corners so dark I never knew they existed. He drags demons and skeletons out of closets just to make love to them. He entwines himself with images so bleak they defy the concept of humanity.. And I’m ashamed to admit I love him more than I ever loved you. That his mind captivates me more than yours ever could.
While you tap at piano keys, and marvel at the petals of peonies.. He is writhing in pools of his own blood. Reveling in the sensation of fists cracking bone. Searing his throat with things you were always too afraid to swallow.
He is vomit and sinew. Broken guitar strings and scars. You are horse hide and rain. Sunlight softly breaching overcast sky. He is sweat and rattling screams. Cigarette ashes and gasoline. You are a harrowing silence. Defined by empty, far-away eyes.
Where you once lit a candelabra, He has let loose an inferno. A blaze that has incinerated hundreds of thousands of words. Words I never could have said without him. Words that released agony you were never able to touch. Words that decimated your dulcet melody, And put in its place a crashing, violent symphony.
Powerful enough to shake me to the core. Profound enough to change me. Passionate enough to leave me quivering in fear of the moment in which I tell him Goodbye.
Because this can’t last forever. And I’m terrified the words will cease to burn.
I feel like I'm stuck in the middle. I'm waving goodbye to the one I loved, that sweet summer breeze that was my everything, who's smile brought me to life, who's frown shattered my world. And I can see her walking away, growing smaller and smaller with every step, and she doesn't wave back. Because the action of waving implies that we'll see each other again, and deep down both of us knows that this is the end of the line. And the cold, harsh winter wind has swept the sweet scent of her far away, and I can no longer smell it just at the tip of my senses, no longer feel her presence just at the back of my mind. And I feel empty, standing there alone as she goes where the wind takes her, taking her sweet smell with her. And my tears do not spill, yet they swell in my eyes, blurring my vision, like a mist, a fog. And I am blinded by that fog, unsure of which direction I'm headed, walking aimlessly. Like a lost sailor, floating at sea, no longer caring where the current takes him, just hoping that he washes up on land, any land, so long as it's not the mindless floating that never seems to end, that bites at the corners of his sanity.
And so I wait. I wait impatiently for the savage wolf of vomit and sinew, to welcome it, for I no longer care where I wash up, so long as it's land.
(Sorry, this was meant to be a normal comment, but then I just starting venting all my emotions...)
The moment when danger and pleasure are one and the same. One gets addicted to it, one gets destroyed by it.
I have been a wolf's pet once. Nothing good came out of it. As much as it is raw, powerful and instinctively commanding from the start, it will also eat anyone alive in the process. This is how monsters work. And I have awakened my monster by the experience...became stronger, better. Refined, in many ways. But the monster is only under my skin by 2 inches every time, waiting for its time to free itself from its cage.
A wonderful poem though, made me smile and remember. Thank you. You have real talent.
Human nature is something I'm very curious about and I am always eager to discover new personality traits about myself as I change over the years and after emotionally pressing things. It's like a never-ending evolving to me, a push in the back of my mind which leads me. As for others, I can read most people easily but I rarely speak my mind about them. I just watch and learn, so to speak. It's everyone's own journey to get to know themselves.
But I'm off-topic again. Sorry, my mind often wanders. I really enjoy reading your poems, all of them have a unique atmosphere which draw the reader in completely.
NotenSMSK see more..
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Bluefley has a gallery filled with artwork that whisks you off in to a Sci-fi daydream, and keeps you captivated for hours. Marc has been a member of our community for over a decade and has achieved nothing but success with his astounding commitment to interacting with the community, sharing a prolific amount of video tutorials and generally being an all round rockstar deviant. It is no joke that we are absolutely delighted to award the Deviousness Award for April 2014 to ... Read More